(Estimated Reading Time 3 minutes)
Transcript of “Feng shui for your sex life”
Hello and welcome to this video called “Feng shui for your sex life”.
My name is Sarah Rose Bright and I’m a sex, pleasure and intimacy coach. In this video, I am going to share some great information and a practice that you can take away and Feng Shui your sex life. I have so many wonderful practices that I’ve learnt and explored over the years myself with my clients and I really want to share some of those with you.
Feng Shui for your sex life – you might be wondering how feng shui relates to sex! I’m going to share a little bit about that, share about the practice, and then also share about my online course Ignite your Sexuality.
So what is feng shui?
It’s an amazing system and it relates to how the energy flows or not and you can do this in places such as homes, offices and gardens. The energy may be blocked and stagnant or flowing. It’s a practice that I’ve worked with myself for many years in my own home and have had some fascinating and incredible surprises. It’s something that I really believe works. I’m also a real fan of Chi Gung which is a system for cultivating life force within your body. It is a little like internal feng shui, supporting our inner energy to flow.
One of the books that I love about this is a practice by a woman called Marie Kondo and the books called “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying” and it’s one of my favourite books and what she does for the home is aligned with what I do with sexuality. Marie Kondo asks you to pick up every single item that you own and ask ‘does this spark joy in my heart’? If it doesn’t bring joy you let it go. It’s wonderful because when you clear out the things that don’t bring you joy, the whole energy changes in your home, the vibration changes you, you look round and it just feels great because you’re surrounded by things you actually love rather than things that maybe you kept because someone gave them to you, all sorts of reasons you can keep stuff.
I really recommend reading the book. it just made me think as I was exploring these concepts over the years, how often do we actually do this for our sex lives? We might look at where we’re stuck or blocks in our work or in our health or in our relationships but very little attention is focused on our sex lives. I think it’s really great to do this because just like with anything in our lives we can get into habits and sometimes those habits can be really fantastic but other times they can be places where we do feel stuck or bored or frustrated, lots of different things.
I feel that applying the practice of feng shui to your sex life is really important and this is what I do with my clients. I’ve had clients say to me when they’ve done the first couple of sessions with me “I feel like I’ve just done an MOT on my sex life”. We take the car in the garage and we optimise everything that’s working and fix the things that aren’t and it’s exactly the same. That’s some of the work I do with my clients, optimise what’s working and we look at where things can be changed or improved.
So I ask you, is there something that you do in your sex life (whether you’re single, dating or you’re in a relationship it doesn’t matter, you can absolutely apply this to all), as you scan across your current sex life are you feeling areas where you may be feeling a bit blocked or frustrated or stuck? What are you doing that doesn’t spark joy in you?
A lot of people come to me and they know what they don’t want but they don’t know what they do want and that comes down to the fact that we haven’t had any education in this area of our lives. If you feel there are areas that don’t spark joy but you’re not sure what’s possible, don’t worry, there’s absolutely tons that you can do.
I want to give you a practice and it’s a practice to start to look at your sex life through a different lens and when I say sex life I mean any sort of sexual activity in the broadest range possible, it’s certainly not limited to penetration and it’s sex on your own, it’s sex with other people, a partner, lovers, however that is for you.
The Feng Shui Your Sex Life Practice
This practice starts by, just like Marie Kondo does in her book, is asking yourself what is it that’s brought you joy in your sex life? (currently or previously). I would invite you to get a notepad and create some time for yourself when you’re totally undisturbed and ideally doing something that feels nice so it might be sitting with a cup of tea in a nice little coffee shop that you love or having a bath and doing this as a contemplation exercise if you love bubble baths or it might be going for a walk somewhere beautiful or just locking yourself in a room where you can be private. Do what you have to to make it work for you, but if you can create a nice environment for yourself to do it in.
Take 15-30 minutes.
The questions to ponder are:
- What has brought you/brings you joy in your sex life? Where do you (or where have you felt) feel alive and energised in your sex and intimate life?
- What are the experiences that really stand out for you? I would say take two or three of them and really look at those experiences. What are the qualities of those experiences (for example: there was no time pressure or I was on holiday or I was feeling really relaxed or I haven’t seen my partner for a while and I was so excited to see them). Also look at what you actually did – it might be a specific aspect of your sex life, it might be a specific sexual act, it could be anything, so what is it that you actually did and what was it about that that brought you joy? As you examine those, make notes because you might make some notes and start to see some themes in the experiences that you’re having, you might be well aware of them but you may have new understanding and new insights.
- Also you can explore your fantasies. Are there specific fantasies that really turn you on and what is it about those fantasies? For example it may not be the act itself but it might be in the fantasy that you were really desired or you really felt desire. Ot can be those aspects of the fantasies that are the key parts and not so much the actual act, though it might be the act. It might be that you felt powerful or you felt really seen or it might be that you felt really connected, really intimate, whatever it is for you. and if you don’t fantasise, because I do get a lot of people, particularly women, saying to me ‘I don’t fantasise’ but when we actually dig deeper they might daydream and they just don’t call it a fantasy. So it might be specific sexual thoughts that you’ve had. It doesn’t have to be a storyline and a script.
- If you haven’t had any experiences that you feel have really brought you joy in your sex life and you don’t have any fantasies, what do you imagine a wonderful sexual joyful experience would look like for you? If you have that blank canvas, what would you imagine that would look like? What really lights you up inside as you think about it, as you explore that in your imagination?
As we start to explore all of these, they give some clues as to what your sexual blueprint is like. I believe that we all have things that we’re really guided to do and enjoy, in a way that we just might be inspired to play music rather than make art or we might paint rather than draw with pencils. We’re guided to do certain things and we have certain things that light us up compared to other people because they’re uniquely our path. I really invite you to look at what really lights you up. Consider all these different experiences and imaginings and desires and fantasies.
When you’ve got that sense of it that might be really exciting. It might be something that’s nothing new but it might be so exciting that you want to share with a partner. Or, it’s going to make you feel ‘this is what I really want to create in my next intimate experience or my next intimate relationship’ but also it might leave you feeling a little sad or it might leave you feeling this is not what I’m experiencing right now and it might mean actually braving some courageous conversations about what’s happening in your sex life.
There may be a range of feelings and emotions that come up from this exercise, however it’s a really great exercise to do. It’s also a great exercise to share with a partner if you have one or to discuss with a new partner or lover as well. It can really invoke some fabulous conversations when we share what our desires are in this way and what brings us joy in our sexual experiences.
We have to if we want to have amazing and fulfilling sexual experiences. We have to share and brave sharing what’s true for us because we’re not going to get that if we don’t. I totally get that for some people that may be really challenging and edgy in itself and it might feel impossible right now but I promise you there was a time when I never thought I could share any of this. I’m not going to go into that today but actually that will make a really great video in the future.
I just wanted to leave this practice with you. Doing it every so often is good because it’s one of many practices we can do to feng shui our sex lives. I recommend asking these questions every 12 months or so. This can be really helpful because sometimes we just do get bored or stuck and we don’t quite know how to get out of it or we want something different and we don’t know how to say it or we don’t know what we know which might feel scary to even admit it.
I hope this inspires you. Do let me know how you get on because I really love to hear your experience.
And finally…
If you are feeling that this area of your body is ugly, or you feel disconnected or you are not experiencing pleasure there, take a look at my 1-1 sexual empowerment coaching programme for women or Ignite Your Sexuality, my self study course for women that has is feng shui for your sex life!
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With love,
Sarah xxx
